SUPERSTALKER
Big cocks to letters, then! If my words don't tickle their fancies, then I
will have to send them symbols of my undying dedication to their pursuit. And
this I shall do, three years to the day after my letter to the owner of the
Gladiators went ignored.
However, since my name is now possibly in some stalking register, I will have
to change my identity. This is probably true - there is a register that lists
people that celebrities should not write back to with such mundane sentiments as
"we love all our fans" in case I take it personally, think they mean
me in particular, wank into their letter then send it back to them. I say this
is probably true because it probably isn't.
So, my new identity!
| Name |
Mandy Tables |
| Age |
12 |
| Lives |
In the same house as me. I
am her cruel uncle. |
| Likes |
Lolly, Lollies,
bulging lallies, Lily Savage singing lullabies. |
| Dislikes |
Being coerced into saying "Peggy
Babcock Babcock Peggy" three times by me, especially as I laugh at
her so much when she can't. |
| Dying Of |
Leukaemia |
In choosing my celebrities, I was careful not to choose
Sean Bean or Rowan Atkinson. The reason for this being that if I did succumb to
the inevitable Beanstalk joke, I would not be able to fit enough exclamation
marks into my 50mb of webspace.
| WHAT I SENT |
WHO TO |
NIBBLES? |
|
|
the man who puts the "H" into wHolesome pop
cunni-joy cannot refuse poor Mandy... surely? |
|
A page out of my imaginary diary |
H from Steps
(For popsy fun, go to popfest3000) |
|
|
|
|
and given this shitter's track record,
not holding my breath |
| A pair of quite unpleasant knickers |
Hunter who is going bald |
|
 |
|
Good old Nick Cave - will he take time out from being a
murderous old bore to help sweet Mandy?
|
| A fearsome tiger-baby toy |
Nick Cave |
|
|
|
|
Reliable yet moody - will Bernard come up trumps for tainted blood
transfusion HIV+ Mandy?
|
| A Bernard Butler single |
Bernard Butler |
|