OH, MY! IS THAT CAPTAIN SCAAAARLAT?
This is my fourth week in the University. I’ve been working with nurses and fake cervix dolls for so long now, that I’d forgotten some of my previous jobs. And those previous jobs, while I’ve enjoyed them with a slow frown and a dumb acceptance, have been occasionally shit. According to some friends, I’m capable … Read more
Print Them Out, Wipe Yourself Down
Converted Ambulance Combines Allure, Style, Mystique As the residents of Ealing witnessed the arrival of a new kind of automobile, everyone agreed – one lucky gang of young Australian men was going to be enjoying some serious pussy this Summer. The converted ambulance that Jono, Horse and Bongo transformed into Titti Titti Bang Bang has … Read more
Episodes : One : Two : Three Firestarter and Waterboy are Superheroes. Their adventures failed to grace the screens of third generation mobile phones over two years ago, and they died from the only disease that can kill Superheroes – public indifference and biceps cancer. They died in obscurity, although you may be aware of … Read more
Apparently there’s a code of mutual respect amongst tattooed people; you don’t look at another man’s tattoos, wince in disbelief and say “what the fuck were you thinking, man? That’s not gonna come off, you know! You do know that, right? Everyone knows that. For fuck’s sake! Why didn’t you just cut your dick off … Read more
This is my attempt to be a homely, broadsheet columnist. Only I talk about balls and shit too much.
The videos you are about to watch will do one of two things. If you are a boy, your nuts will inflate to the size of a foam novelty hand. If you are a girl, you will fall to your haunches and make a grubby little puddle at your feet. Either way, once you’ve seen … Read more
I worked, indirectly, for 3 Mobile Phones. Myself and Simon Swatman spent two years writing animation scripts and making video stuff for the early adopters of 3G. We produced hours of this stuff. And some of it was quite good. Obviously whole reams of it were shit designed to please early adopting idiots, but we … Read more
The reasons I left my one porn DVD on my desk a week ago is lost in the shrouds of time. Let’s not go into my absolute inability to cover my tracks and be secretive – the same inability that makes me; Lend my laptop with all my passwords in it to a jealous (and … Read more