Log I’m a staggeringly sensitive person. I’m perfectly attuned to humanity, and the energy that human emotions transmit along the fibres of the universe. When someone is sad, their sadness consumes me – unless someone is standing between us laughing, in which case I’m struck by a serene sense of balance, and can resume shopping. But … Read more
I’m always hearing amazing conversations. Other people say they don’t overhear any great conversations at all, so the only logical explanation is that my threatening presence makes everyone put in a bit of extra effort. It’s certainly true that spikes of conversational excellence occur at that precise time I shake my fist, drop my trousers, … Read more
It’s been long enough since the burglary – and the tear-jerkingly generous response of friends and colleagues – for this post to not to seem like a begging message. So, here’s what I wrote the day after burglars nicked everything I own, and one of Stuart’s Dr Who DVDs that was in my XBox. I haven’t heard the … Read more
The girl opposite me has just suffered the death of a beloved goldfish. It was one of those stubborn fuckers that lasts a decade, so she really had a chance to become attached to it. The fish has seen her through her exams, her sexual awakening, and now it is dead. Suddenly, the towers of … Read more
I thought going freelance would be the kickstart I needed to maintain the blog. It turns out, I’m only really productive when I’m in a job I hate if I get paid regularly. Does anyone have a job where I can just sit there, silently fuming into the internet at the cunts on the next … Read more
OK so let’s just take it as read that I am the new Doctor Who. Here’s the title card, which will show on the telly while a posh bloke says “And coming up next, Dr Who will kick the cocks off of some Go-Bots or something”. My mate who is a real Dr Who nerd … Read more
What is going on in the world where this kind of thing is made, and sold to children. How dare anyone do this. It is a disgrace. Also how is it that this photograph is clickable in six different places. I simply want no part in a world where this is allowed to happen. Even … Read more
Nottingham’s Premier Cha-Mobile Enthusiast Adam Mason was a child with a learning disability. He was taught that the world was a safe and indulgent place, by the girls who’d surround and protect him all playtime. He called himself Cha-Man, and not without reason: for the duration of his break periods, while I was doing handstands … Read more
You might be wondering, if you’re one of the 500,000 people who come here every day, why I haven’t written anything for over three months. The despair must be corrosive for you all – here’s one email I’ve had from a lady in Scotland. Dear Log, On the 106th consecutive day without an update to … Read more
Thanks to Jammus for starting the excellent Near-Miss Heroes and Villains list over at Listopia, a list which reassured me that it doesn’t all have to be about famous people who sound like cheese. Also check out Can I Get A Widnes?, the latest list to be imported from Idiotica’s wealth of excellence. Meanwhile, let’s … Read more