Real life emus are less colourful
 than their television counterparts.

I once knew a man who was so obsessed with getting into heaven that he used to chase faith around as though it were an Emu. He would use oversized butterfly nets, expend an enormous amount of money on jet-powered rollerskates, and still, the Emu eluded him. Even if he drew up blueprints, with dotted lines all over them and the words "Trapped Emu" pointing to a cross, nothing seemed to help.

Then, one day, he said "I am going to lie down and pretend I am dead." The Emu, suddenly curious, bent down and gave the man an inquisitive peck on the cheek, and tried to lick him alive again.

The man reached up and broke the emu's neck, then spent twenty minutes kicking the corpse until he got bored, and went home.

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