For those of you who don't know, a man called David Blaine locked himself in a trasparent box in London, in a stunt he intriguingly called Above the Below. He stayed there for 44 days, with no food, and only a pipe feeding him water and liquidated battenburg.

David Blaine was utterly humourless about his attempt. His addresses to the audience were deadpan and without irony. At one stage during his ordeal, he even paid homage to his mother, who had died of cancer, and said that he now saw beauty in her suffering.

I, like millions of other Britons, thought "fucking hell, I want to throw something meaty at that slack-faced cunt".

So I was quite excited when I got a text message from my friend Neil suggesting that we should go and throw sausages at him. The whimsical British sausage was just what we needed in the face of this pompous Johnny Foreigner.

This is ... kinda ... what I had in mind.