spike

Spike's first job was in a big factory, where he was given a broom, and told to keep rats from reaching a big wedge of cheese. His talents were soon spotted by the boss, who transferred him to a sister factory, where he had to run up and down stairs popping balloons full of soot within a strict time limit. Spike wasn't happy in the new factory, because he was the only person in there apart from the balloons, and he got lonely. So he went onto TV.

Whilst on TV he met Jimmy, and dicovered that they both enjoyed skydiving - they soon fell for each other! Then they broke up, which was hard to do, but Spike says Jimmy trumped too much - Spike hates people who trump a lot, he says it's really bad manners. And Jimmy's farts smelled like real bum!

Spike's favourite food is chips.

jimmy

Jimmy says he can only remember two things from his youth - an unstoppable urge to dance, and his uncle's promises that he would take him away from his family and drown him in a sack. He says he's OK now, but at the time Jimmy had nightmares, and cried every night.

At school, Jimmy was brilliant at Home Economics, but terrible at Boxing. So although he couldn't fight his way out of a paper bag, he could certainly bite his way into a plate o' Ragu! Jimmy then went onto TV, where he met Spike. They went shoplifting together, and Spike soon stole Jimmy's heart! But they stopped seeing each other when Spike showed Jimmy his willy - it had been bitten off by a shark! Spike wees through a bendy straw since the accident, into a cup that was designed by doctors.

Jimmy now says that he wants to meet the right girl - which is difficult given his hectic schedule, and outlandish pain fetish.

lee

The first time Lee went onto TV was when he was born - his mum sold the pictures to a local TV company, saying that she was going to give birth to a goat. But Lee was a healthy baby boy - unluckily for him. The TV company took back their money and vowed that Lee would never be allowed to get onto TV for as long as he was alive. This made Lee cry at the time - even though he had just been born, he knew that he wanted to be in a top pop group called 911. However, after taking a bullet for Michael Grade, TV agreed that he had paid the price and allowed him back onto it.

On tour, Lee's food allergies can be a real nightmare - in Singapore, he suffered a full internal prolapse after eating a pie that had a fish in it. Spike says that it took ages for the boys to pick everything back up and put it in again. Jimmy got quite angry, and said that if it all fell out again they were going to leave him there to cook on the hot pavement! But he didn't mean it, even though he says he did.

Lee had surgery to increase his forehead - now, because it is so shiny, Magpies often attack his head thinking it is a big jewel!