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THE SOUND OF DEATH
using COMMANDO comic books as a primary research
tool into the
atrocities of the second world war
FEATURING THE GIRL WHO ATE
THE GALAXY
I cry when the puppy feels pain, my twinklers tighten when I sense injustice. My hair is trained to rise madly and spit out venom where needs must, and I am currently dating a demon with a barbed wire willy. How this came to pass is a mystery to me; but when I escaped and tried to live my old life, none of my friends would talk to me. My name's Wendy, I am the girl who ate the galaxy. When I'm not reacting inappropriately to normal stimuli, I ponder my own lost innocence, and I stare through my rose, a symbol of all that I once was. To eat a galaxy : it is to know too much. This, I have learned. That dying lingers, and death itself is merely an instant. When people are dying, they make many sounds, probably about doing a bungee jump or sucking off a bee. Mad shit. When they die they only get one word. What is that word? |
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True death is unpronounceable, but it sounds a
lot like that ..gogogoch Welsh train station. Interestingly, suicide rates in
Wales are lowest in Swansea - the town that sounds least Welsh. Perhaps
this is because of the brain associating the Welsh language with sounds of
dying, and lapsing into a premature and unnecessary death. Or perhaps it is
because they feel that they have a purpose in Swansea, processing all the
applications for Driving Licences.
Aggh! takes many forms; here are the most common. Agh! |
WAYS TO
BEHAVE WHEN WITNESSING DEATH Remember. If we want the respect of all other countries in the world, we must behave emotionlessly, and possibly make trivialising comments. When witnessing enormous carnage, you have the choice of the following. The man on the left is RIGHT. Say "Blimey!", or "Crivens!" if you are from Scotland. What you mustn't do is take the opportunity to address your own mortality, by sharing important moments in your life with those close to you. This will make you seem gay, like the man on the right, who is WRONG. |
UTTER NO-NO |
SUITABLE
RESPONSES TO SOMEONE SAYING "WARRGGGHH!" Context is everything! And remember; be distant and unsympathetic at all times. This can be maintained excellently by being a little camp. Being camp has only three rules; use a term of endearment, refer to men as she, and always try to drop in a reference to breaking a nail or having a penis in your ear.
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