From : Terry Scott
Date : 13 March 2000
To : Jesus Christ
Subject : Crikey!

Dear Jesus,
This morning, I was walking through the municipal park, when I saw a young naked lady who was trapped under a felled tree. Because I am a good-natured man, I hauled the tree off this busty showgirl, and gave her £20 for some new clothes.

However, she seemed to develop a fascination with me, and followed me around all day, a thankful grin on her face. She even whistled her naked showgirl friends over, who were playing on the climbing frame in the playground.

Anyway, the upshot is that they're all bedded down in my attic now, and the vicar is coming around to assess my suitability to work with children. If he finds a bevy of lusty showgirls in my house, I'm done for. What can I do?