Hell is full of pets. Because pets don't have souls, they cannot pass into the kingdom of our Lord. And because the conditions in hell aren't particularly good, the pets get really pissed off. That's what hell is. A load of angry poodles and a swearing mynah bird.

To get out of Hell, you have to pass through a nun chute (monk chute for boys) and dance at a 50's sock hop for ten days, non-stop. Imps and demons hang from harnesses, trying to hit you with flaming Nerfs, and Satan himself keeps popping up from manhole covers, trying to grab your feet. 240 hours later, you are free to pass through the redemption pipe, on condition that you get one True or False answer correct. The question is usually "Brian Clough was the manager of Nottingham Forest - true or false?" If you say true, Satan says "Ha ha, I meant the actual forest, not the football team - it's back to hell for another eternity for you!"

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