Do you like video games? Yes, you do. I know you do. You like video games so much, don’t you? But do you know why you like video games? You like video games because everyone likes video games. Stop acting like it’s your thing. Look! I’ve got a video game in my hands right now! … Read more
If you’re anything like me, you love going to historically important sites, staffed by passionate volunteers, and being a snarky cow about their desolate autumnal rhubarb patches. Nothing makes me feel more connected to my heritage than walking around the grounds of a stately home, or enjoying the sunlight dappling through the canopy of a … Read more
CAN’T BE BOTHERED TRANSCRIBING THIS INTERVIEW WITH THE OWNER OF BIG BOYS. CAN YOU USE AI TO GET THE WORDS OUT, MAUREEN? THEN JUST POST THAT. POST THESE INSTRUCTIONS TOO IDC Hello there! You’re early. Come in. Come into Big Boys. Here’s the door. Come in. Push the doors. There you go. I know, there’s … Read more
Anushka Sharma Anna Soubry MP Seanus Heaney Anus Rusbridger Anal McManus Neneh’s Brother, Eagle Eye Cherry An Usher Lookalike Magnanus Magnanusson This pain au chocolat (Thanks to Paul and Richard)
I heard you wanted me to type up all the scripts for every Doctor Who episode ever, so I did. Cheers DOCTOR ONE: THE GRUMPY ONE DOCTOR Here we are at last! In the year 12 million BC COMPANION Doctor! It’s a dinosaur DOCTOR Yes, you stupid girl. It is a dinosaur. Here, have a little … Read more
I was thrilled to hear about a book called Bear. Not so thrilled that I bought it, you understand. And nowhere near thrilled enough to consider reading it. I was, however, thrilled enough to read a punchy synopsis on a Reddit thread. It is a book where a woman whops them out for a literal bear. … Read more
Following is a list of the first 100 Police Academy films, as they appear in Halliwell’s Film Guide. Police Academy Police Academy 2: Their First Assignment Police Academy 3: Back in Training Police Academy 4: Citizens on Patrol Police Academy 5: Assignment: Miami Beach Police Academy 6: City Under Siege Police Academy 7: Mission To … Read more
I recently performed, or “read out”, a piece I’d written for Reads Like A Seven, at the kind request of One Life Left‘s Ste Curran. What I wrote was a mixture of sincerity, confession and juvenile scatology, and because it’s 2,500 words, I’m not going to blather on here. TL:DR; I shit on my balls in Austria, I’m … Read more
Simon Chong is the best human being there is. He turned the previous blog post script, which we performed here – (jump to 34 minutes in) [soundcloud url=”https://api.soundcloud.com/tracks/115774153″ width=”100%” height=”166″ iframe=”true” /] into this I rest my case. Simon Chong. Best human being.
SCENE ONE: HOW DIANA AND PRINCE CHARLES MET DIANA Howay jugalugs, I bet my tits are bigger than your arse CHARLES No way you fancy Nancy, I gots them juicy Windsor boo-tarks. Charles slaps his ass and juggles his buttocks in a wild infinity loop DIANA Fuck off Wales, I’m gonna lay down a monkey … Read more