Converted Ambulance Combines Allure, Style, Mystique
As the residents of Ealing witnessed the arrival of a new kind of automobile, everyone agreed – one lucky gang of young Australian men was going to be enjoying some serious pussy this Summer. The converted ambulance that Jono, Horse and Bongo transformed into Titti Titti Bang Bang has already caused a leap of 21% in local females frothing at the gash.
“Damn, the bitches are going to love that,” commented one green-eyed neighbour. “Their knickers’ll be around their skanky knees before they get the chance to form a rational thought. And when they look inside and see that tatty mattress and those ethnic throws, they’ll be mashing their tits against the windows, trying to get in. I’ll certainly be circumcising my whore of a wife, just in case.”
“Titti used to be an ambulance,” said Jono. “She was full of healers. Now she’s full of Sheilas,” he quipped. “The only stretcher in Titti now is my fat cock,” he added, thirty seconds later. Horse confesses that their previous methods of getting around haven’t been as successful in bagging easy snatch. “First off, we sliced WHOREFUCKERS into the side of a horse, and rode it around the park. The chick’s didn’t dig that at all. Said three guys on a horse looked gay. We were living in a neon pussy wasteland. Then we went around in a helicopter. Horse’d do loop the loops, and Bongo’d shine a big light and shout FBI – SHOW US YER NELLY. That was a bit better, but since we got Titti Titti Bang Bang, we have literally been fighting for air in a vast heap of tits and wombs.”
To what do scientists attribute the attraction? We assembled a crack team of sexperts, sexamologians, and sexpots to crack the Titti code. After three months in his wild underground Labia-oratory, lead sex boffin Dougie Fresh presented his findings with tousled hair and his top button undone. “We’ve isolated the aphrodisiacal qualities of this automobile to two equally important areas,” concluded our bonkologist, before putting down his pen and looking over the rim of his glasses. “It seems to be 50% Titti and 50% Bang.”
But not everyone approves of the new arrival – a team of thirty vicars has joined forces and built a remote-controlled hammer to smash in the bonnet, and lesbians are damaging the wheel trims with violent protest humping.
Jono, Horse and Bongo are unrepentant – “Titti is like a family member,” says Horse. “The only way we’d scrap her is if a fat chick breached the security systems and dragged her Frank Langellas across the mattress.” Horse buries his face in his hands. “Nobody should have to deal with that.”
HONK HONK. Sexy ladies are powerless to resist that noise you know. They hear that, and they think, I simply must go and have sex with that man, or his car, I don’t care- I’m suddenly that lathered up. I was going to go to the shops but forget that now. If I don’t have rough sex immediately in a vehicle, with a man, or with a vehicle and a man, there’s going to be a hazardous spillage all over this road.
I wonder why Australians are always sexy, even though they all stink, and have bifurcated penises? Perhaps one day science will find the answer…
Wait! I could’ve made that a joke about ‘Science’ from Big Brother! Is it too late to do that?
HONK HONK. Sexy ladies are powerless to resist that noise you know.
It is why swans get away with pecking ladies on the bottom. And laying their eggs in bras.
“Oh Geoffrey have you egged in my bra?”
“HONK HONK”
“OK then”
What is the joke about Science? Is it a racist joke? Science is black you know.
I always thought it was the Arts that were dark. The Dark Arts. Not Science.
I could have not typed this at all, or not pressed ‘submit’. Is it too late to not do?
please do not read this entry.