Jimmy Carr, eh! Never looks at anything, does he?
Jimmy! London’s on fire, over there! Look at London, all on fire! Is he looking? Of course not. Jimmy Carr hasn’t voluntarily looked at anything since infancy, when he realised that seeing things filled him with a burning sense of scorn. “God, everything’s so feeble,” he thought. “I wish I could somehow inform the world of my endless disdain for it.”
Since that day, Jimmy Carr has become so good at not looking at things that he can not look at two things at once. Here, he’s ignoring a starving dog, and some scary ghosts having a bonfire night. Jimmy Carr can afford enough dog food to fill a catamaran; why is he letting the dog die? Because he despises the dog’s weakness.
Perhaps I’m trying the wrong approach – appealing to Jimmy Carr’s sense of humanity might be wanking a dead man. I know! Here, Jimmy! Jimmy! It’s some money, and a tit with your face on it, three times! Imagine that, Jimmy Carr – your face, on a tit!
Damn! And I even snuck them in on the other side to trick him. What’s wrong with my money, Jimmy? Why won’t you see my hot boob? Are you scared of what you might see? Hmm. I wonder what would happen if…
Good Lord. He can’t keep that up forever, surely?
Well, it’d seem he could keep it up until the world degenerates into a Heironymous Bosch vision of the last judgment, anyway. Well, I give up. I just can’t see to get Jimmy Carr to look at anything. I hope he can afford people to tell him if traffic’s coming.
More Attempts To Make Jimmy Carr Look >>
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My brother in law thinks I look like Jimmy Carr. I don’t. I look like an early Tom Cruise. Early in the morning that is – har har! No.
My brother in law is northern. I am the only well-spoken person he knows, apart from Jimmy Carr. Hence, to him, I am like Jimmy Carr.
My brother in law should probably be hyphenated.
It can get even worst than Jimmy Carr you know
Fuck! That is one unholy wall of Collins. I particularly like the upside down one. Justin Lee-Collins clearly has no respect for boring, unshouty stuff like gravity.
Justin Lee-Collins on Gravity
GRAVITY!? WHAT’S THAT ALL ABOUT THEN?? WHO RATIFIED THAT LAW?? IT’S WORSE THAN BLOODY OCCUPIED FRANCE!! I WENT TO FRANCE ONCE, AND THEY ALL SMELLED OF BLOODY GARLIC!! AND I COULDN’T UNDERSTAND A WORD THEY SAID!! REMEMBER FRENCH EXCHANGES?? THERE’S NO FRENCH WORD FOR “WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS SHIT YOU’RE FEEDING ME”, IS THERE?? AND THEY NEVER DID CUBAN EXCHANGES, DID THEY?? WHAT WERE THEY HIDING?? BUNCH OF KIDS DRINKING BACARDI AND SMOKING CIGARS – BIT LIKE CORNWALL!! DRINKING HELPS YOU TO KEEP YOUR FEET ON THE GROUND… AND YOUR FACE!! SPEAKING OF FEET ON THE GROUND… GRAVITY!! WHAT’S THAT ALL ABOUT!!??
You still make me poo laughing.
Xx
How can you poo laughing? Surely when you laugh, you clench. Wee laughing yes, but poo, poo is for crying. Crying about your lost love or your inability to close your sphincter for one second so you can leave your waist-high-in-shit hovel and go out into the real world.
SL
I think Pinkle was referring to this story, where she shat the world, tuppence a bag. Tuppence, tuppence. Tuppence, a bag.
Hate this little rotten cunt, with his annoying schoolboy face, id like to cave it in with a baseball bat filled with nails