“OPEN UP TO MOUTH CANCER”
You and mouth cancer are like a couple of bloody children. Look at you both sitting there with your arms folded, not looking at each other. Isn’t it time you put your differences aside? Open up to mouth cancer.
This touchy-feely approach to localised cancers is to be backed up with a range of huggable plush cancers, and a Rubik’s cancer that goes benign when you solve it. A sitcom about a boy who lives with a cancer-stricken giraffe and/or alien is set to be broadcast on HBO, and the Chuckle Brothers’ new show – “Tumour, To You” – promises to set the skies on fire and never stop burning, according to Barry Chuckle.
“TURN YOUR BACK ON MUSCULOSKELETAL DISORDERS”
This poster takes a different approach, imploring readers to behave more frostily towards illness. This poster is more in the vein of such medical information posters as “Smile Blankly And Walk Past Your Best Friend Amnesia”, “Scream When Autism Moves Things Around In Your Room”, and “Piss Crabs Off”.
However, “Turn Your Back On Musculoskeletal Disorders” is shaping up to be as popular as 1989’s “OMFG! AIDS!”, with 50 Cent already recording a song to back up the campaign.
“If I was your sargeant, I’d give you this order –
turn your back on musculoskeletal disorder”
Also, it looks like the person is pissing onto a wall, and don’t tell me nodoby noticed THAT in the focus groups. A deserving winner.
A meeting with the Fat Controller;
“I understand that the younger generation is currently labouring under the impression that congregating in groups around the railway is somehow ‘cool’, as your Fonz would say. I can only imagine that they have read Edith Nesbit’s excellent book, The Railway Children, and cultivated a nostalgic romance with rail travel.”
“Perhaps they appreciate the rail paradox – the freedom that such travel gives us, and the train’s own status as prisoner of the tracks. To borrow from our red-faced brethren – if it is a steel horse, then it’s steel testicles have been truly castrated. Perhaps they relish that tragedy all too keenly.”
“I should think.”
“Well, I’m an old fuddy-duddy, I know that. Let’s erect a poster that speaks directly to these romance-dazzled children, in their own patois. All we need to do is inform them that such recreational endeavours are not cool.”
TWO WEEKS LATER
“Well done. I’d have put three exclamation marks after Get Real, but otherwise, perfect. Here, have a train.”
“Wow, are you sure sir?”
“Yes, I’ve got loads.”
SPECIAL WORTHY CAUSE AWARD
If you think you can help this poor tit freak out, you might like to drop him a line. Do you have tits? Then Tit Freak might be interested. Sadly, this quick doodle doesn’t give any information about his interests beyond titfreakery, so if it’s any help, his previous graffiti in this very same toilet (I’m something of a regular) includes “tit freak seeks men for mutual breastfeeding”.
Are you up to the task? ENJOY TIT FREAK.