Words

Words – people say they’re “old-fashioned” and “what’s with the words, grandpa” – but I would reply “you just used words then didn’t you” and they’d go “oo what a valuable lesson”.

I Have Shit Dreams

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Ten Shit Dreams I Have Had I was eating a bag of crisps. They were KP Skips, and they were well-seasoned and delicious. As the last crisp melted onto my tongue, I woke up. I went to a bar that sold numbers. I asked for two nines and a seven plus three. The barman rolled … Read more

Deleted Scenes

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GANDHI Mohandes : I’m learning a new language! [pause] Mohandes : I can say piss in Greek! [pause] Mohandes : ούρα! [pause] Mohandes : That’s piss, in Greek! WHEN HARRY MET SALLY Harry : Is it orgasm time yet? Sally : Not yet. Harry : Can I… Sally : Orgasm time! Harry : You’re… hurting… … Read more

Sexscapades Inevitable For Australian Neighbours

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Converted Ambulance Combines Allure, Style, Mystique As the residents of Ealing witnessed the arrival of a new kind of automobile, everyone agreed – one lucky gang of young Australian men was going to be enjoying some serious pussy this Summer. The converted ambulance that Jono, Horse and Bongo transformed into Titti Titti Bang Bang has … Read more

Indiscretion Helpdesk: Time Pirate 1988

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The reasons I left my one porn DVD on my desk a week ago is lost in the shrouds of time. Let’s not go into my absolute inability to cover my tracks and be secretive – the same inability that makes me; Lend my laptop with all my passwords in it to a jealous (and … Read more

Pride Is Just A Whistle Away

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Pride Festivals are all about one thing. They’re not about cultivating the satisfaction taken in your life’s achievements. They’re not about topless musclemen conspiring to feed you a poisonous blend of jealousy and arousal. They’re not even about sitting in a field between the noteless thud of three different music tents, drinking warm white wine … Read more