Synthetic Opinion is my attempt to weave a strong opinion out of something I know nothing about. This one was suggested by Rob, who writes the excellent Internets Dairy. He asked: “Log, do you think the Large Hadron Collider MUST BE STOPPED in case a tiny black hole swallows the Earth? (Remember the set of … Read more
I promised to write a 700-word opinion piece on any shit you care to suggest. The only rule is that I can’t research a single thing. The first suggestion came in from Adam… “What about that hot button topic for 2008 – the US Presidential election?” No sooner said than done, Adam! And to celebrate … Read more
A few weeks ago, I wrote 700 words for the Guardian. It was a glorious exercise in public self-castration, in which I exposed myself as the ill-informed prickwit that I quite frankly am. Since then, I’ve written a piece about how much I love progress bars, which I hope cemented my reputation as the Comment … Read more
Here’s how to enjoy St David’s Day – first go out with a Welshman, then go to the pub. http://www.disappointment.com/welsh There’s a 12-page booklet in there. It’s a pdf, if you fucking please. Also some photos, which you won’t be interested in unless you’re a mate. Which, I admit, is probably all of you.
Whenever I have an opinion, I tend to find it pretty embarrassing. Being wrong’s humiliating enough, but when you’re wrong about something you were dumb enough to frankly care about, it’s like pressing a heart–shaped cookie–cutter against your chest and making a noisy display of ripping yourself slightly open. I’ve done it a couple of … Read more
When someone decides to tell you their dreams, it’s usually a sign that you’ve got a minute of listening to someone trying to offer you massive clumsy insights into their precious, hidden psyche. “I dreamed I was falling down a pit, do you think that means I am not keen on being a gigantic failure … Read more
I just found out that Bette Davis and Joan Crawford didn’t like each other very much. Although this is sad, I suppose there’re a number of good reasons for the two to have their differences. For starters, Bette Davis had big wet eyes, and Joan Crawford had a fat top lip. These are both laudable … Read more
Couple years ago… I’m sorry, I’ll start again. A couple of years ago, I farted seven times in two minutes in a toilet cubicle, and had to spend many more minutes trying to meditate myself out of a frankly childish giggle fit. I’ve never done anything like that since. It’s not for lack of trying. … Read more
There’s nothing more satisfying than forming a relationship with a salesman. It’s like rubbing yourself off against a human transaction. Because I’ve done most things that are thrilling and sexually enticing, I spend nine days in advertising, during which I came up with most of the slogans you’ll have heard in your life, such as … Read more
Hi there. I’m a film star now, after sporting my ultra-modern beard in this internet video. I didn’t have that much to do with it, apart from reading stuff out and that, but anyway, it’s me, and I’m blogging it. VideoJug: How To Survive A Zombie Apocalypse Nyah, He-Man, you broke my staff again.