Because when communities start celebrating Christmas without the quality control that corporate sponsorship brings, this is the kind of shit you get outside Sainsbury’s. Listen in anguish. If you’re anything like me, you’ll enjoy the recorder flourish at the end of the verse. Before they start the verse again, and do it three times worse. … Read more
THE BOARDROOM OF GORBACHOCâ„¢ ENTERPRISE After three years of continuous decline, Gorbachoc Enterprise have decided to use advanced taste science to boost the desirability of their chocolate product. The day has finally come for the unveiling of the new chocolate. Boris This chocolate is one of the finest we have ever tasted. Scientist Thank you. … Read more
From reading this blog, you’d probably have me pegged as a well-spoken gentleman. You most likely picture me tapping my pipe on the cocktail cabinet, and excusing myself from diplomatic engagements on the grounds that I’m too busy combing the pelts of endangered animals. Well, I’ve been back in Nottingham for two days. And this … Read more
I’ve been totally wrapped up in PHP and crap like that for a week, in an attempt to add a gallery-style area to Lifelong Disappointment. This means I haven’t got any fun words, and I’m terrified of syntax errors. I’ll be back when my mind is in a chirpy prosish place. And I’ll be running … Read more
When Two Hearts Simply Cannot Go Into One… without causing a bit of agony and that.
Medico-Educational Category Runner-Up “OPEN UP TO MOUTH CANCER” You and mouth cancer are like a couple of bloody children. Look at you both sitting there with your arms folded, not looking at each other. Isn’t it time you put your differences aside? Open up to mouth cancer. This touchy-feely approach to localised cancers is to … Read more
This entry is karma for my previous “work toilet” entry, in which the man in the next cubicle made wild rattling noises and gasped “shit“. This time, it was my turn to be the monster in the cupboard. Note from the 2020’s – this was written before the word Trump was ruined by America. I’ve … Read more
Brenda made me do it.
What follows is an exercise in what happens when someone says “write something for this site, it will be great”. What I will do is sit there stewing for two weeks, then write something like this in a sweat. This was written for Weebl’s Stuff, on the basis that they’d link to my book and … Read more
It’s not entirely fair. Boo hoo, it’s not fair. 🙁 My job covering the cervical screening course ended ten days ago, but they liked me enough to take me back. Now I’m in another role, whose details are too dull to properly understand. But today is my first day back, after taking a week off … Read more