I promised to write a 700-word opinion piece on any shit you care to suggest. The only rule is that I can’t research a single thing. The first suggestion came in from Adam… “What about that hot button topic for 2008 – the US Presidential election?” No sooner said than done, Adam! And to celebrate … Read more
A few weeks ago, I wrote 700 words for the Guardian. It was a glorious exercise in public self-castration, in which I exposed myself as the ill-informed prickwit that I quite frankly am. Since then, I’ve written a piece about how much I love progress bars, which I hope cemented my reputation as the Comment … Read more
Here’s how to enjoy St David’s Day – first go out with a Welshman, then go to the pub. http://www.disappointment.com/welsh There’s a 12-page booklet in there. It’s a pdf, if you fucking please. Also some photos, which you won’t be interested in unless you’re a mate. Which, I admit, is probably all of you.
Whenever I have an opinion, I tend to find it pretty embarrassing. Being wrong’s humiliating enough, but when you’re wrong about something you were dumb enough to frankly care about, it’s like pressing a heart–shaped cookie–cutter against your chest and making a noisy display of ripping yourself slightly open. I’ve done it a couple of … Read more
When someone decides to tell you their dreams, it’s usually a sign that you’ve got a minute of listening to someone trying to offer you massive clumsy insights into their precious, hidden psyche. “I dreamed I was falling down a pit, do you think that means I am not keen on being a gigantic failure … Read more
I just found out that Bette Davis and Joan Crawford didn’t like each other very much. Although this is sad, I suppose there’re a number of good reasons for the two to have their differences. For starters, Bette Davis had big wet eyes, and Joan Crawford had a fat top lip. These are both laudable … Read more
Couple years ago… I’m sorry, I’ll start again. A couple of years ago, I farted seven times in two minutes in a toilet cubicle, and had to spend many more minutes trying to meditate myself out of a frankly childish giggle fit. I’ve never done anything like that since. It’s not for lack of trying. … Read more
There’s nothing more satisfying than forming a relationship with a salesman. It’s like rubbing yourself off against a human transaction. Because I’ve done most things that are thrilling and sexually enticing, I spend nine days in advertising, during which I came up with most of the slogans you’ll have heard in your life, such as … Read more
Hi there. I’m a film star now, after sporting my ultra-modern beard in this internet video. I didn’t have that much to do with it, apart from reading stuff out and that, but anyway, it’s me, and I’m blogging it. VideoJug: How To Survive A Zombie Apocalypse Nyah, He-Man, you broke my staff again.
After a completely fabricated report from The People that Ian Huntley was on Facebook, the human race reacted with the revulsion you’d expect. Luckily, Facebook provides all of its users with immensely powerful tools for changing the world to exactly how it should be, without any noticeable delay. Here’s ten posts from the GET HUNTLEY … Read more