Look At What I Overheard

I’m always hearing amazing conversations. Other people say they don’t overhear any great conversations at all, so the only logical explanation is that my threatening presence makes everyone put in a bit of extra effort. It’s certainly true that spikes of conversational excellence occur at that precise time I shake my fist, drop my trousers, … Read more

OK, So I Can't Blog Properly

I thought going freelance would be the kickstart I needed to maintain the blog. It turns out, I’m only really productive when I’m in a job I hate if I get paid regularly. Does anyone have a job where I can just sit there, silently fuming into the internet at the cunts on the next … Read more

Hey, I'll Be The New Doctor, Thanks

OK so let’s just take it as read that I am the new Doctor Who. Here’s the title card, which will show on the telly while a posh bloke says “And coming up next, Dr Who will kick the cocks off of some Go-Bots or something”. My mate who is a real Dr Who nerd … Read more

In My Pocket Of All Places

What is going on in the world where this kind of thing is made, and sold to children. How dare anyone do this. It is a disgrace. Also how is it that this photograph is clickable in six different places. I simply want no part in a world where this is allowed to happen. Even … Read more

Adam Mason: An Apology

Nottingham’s Premier Cha-Mobile Enthusiast Adam Mason was a child with a learning disability. He was taught that the world was a safe and indulgent place, by the girls who’d surround and protect him all playtime. He called himself Cha-Man, and not without reason: for the duration of his break periods, while I was doing handstands … Read more

Dead, But Still Talking

You might be wondering, if you’re one of the 500,000 people who come here every day, why I haven’t written anything for over three months. The despair must be corrosive for you all – here’s one email I’ve had from a lady in Scotland. Dear Log, On the 106th consecutive day without an update to … Read more

Near-Miss Superheroes

Thanks to Jammus for starting the excellent Near-Miss Heroes and Villains list over at Listopia, a list which reassured me that it doesn’t all have to be about famous people who sound like cheese. Also check out Can I Get A Widnes?, the latest list to be imported from Idiotica’s wealth of excellence. Meanwhile, let’s … Read more