Sometimes, Brenda lets you into her world. It’s a strange thing, to be embraced by someone you despise – especially if you have the instinctive desire to be liked by everyone, no matter how much they’ve proved themself to be a big anus. On the one hand, I was enjoying the fact that this creature … Read more
Unbelievably, some people have asked me what I’m talking about. What is IDST, they ask, before putting a slipper on their hands and saying “DID I DO RIGHT MNNNNGGGGG”. So, Lesson Zero : IDST stands for If Destroyed, Still True. You add it to a written insult to ensure that the person you are insulting … Read more
< < Who’s Brenda? : Meet Her | Fear Her | Touch Her | Hear Her I have just been forced to overhear the most excruciating conversation of my so-short life. Brenda has just invented and solved a problem that affected no-one, in one of her frequent shouting sessions that let everyone know how fucking … Read more
Gambling is brilliant. Whether you win twenty pee on watching a horse run, or six pounds on whether a drunk dog will bite your newborn child, gambling is exciting, profitable, and best of all, it’s erecting an fizzing neon YA BOO NOBBER and pointing it at God. God doesn’t like gambling, apart from a £2 … Read more
I was born in 1974. To celebrate, McDonalds opened their first UK branch in South London, and Mohammed Ali beat George Foreman. I later told Mohammed Ali I would have preferred it if George Foreman had won that fight, and he developed brain damage by way of apology. Sadly, Britain was so taken with my … Read more
Video Week has been cut short! Why’s that? I’ll tell you for whys! I got really, really, distracted. A) I was chatting to loads of people on MSN Messenger and they were all like “come on join the party” and I came back with “you better get this party started cos I’m the kinda guy … Read more
Monday : Tuesday : Wednesday As part of my promise to myself not to write about Brenda for a week, I’m trawling through some video files and seeing if they’re any cop. And lo! Some are better than others. Wednesday brings the zany antics of Jaws and David – two goldfish who simply couldn’t be … Read more
Monday / Tuesday It’s Video Week! But I’m not going to make it easy for you – I’m going to write words, too. Stupid, annoying words! THE PITCH Although this was Simon’s baby, I get the absolute fear in situations where I have to “sell an idea”. There’s some humble-valve that stops me from claiming … Read more
<< Previous Video Clips : Cervix : Collection : Arousals : F&W1 : F&W2 : F&W3 NOW IN A HIGHLY COMPRESSED FORMAT WITH VISIBLE LOSS OF QUALITY When I get distracted by other things, and forget to write blog entries, I like to throw a video decoy, to draw attention away from my indiscipline. So … Read more
Brenda was on a bit of a roll, yesterday. I listened to it for half the day, and I was getting to such a state of frantic desk-scratching, that I decided to boot myself up the arse and do something about it. Did I confront her, and ask her to stitch a zip on the … Read more