Now that More Magazine has been closed, it falls to enthusiastic amateurs to give teenage ladies their sexy tips. SHOTGUN! 1/ Cover a part of your body with a serviette. Roughly 75% of the way through your steamy sesh, whip off the serviette and say “there’s another bit for ya“. 2/ Tug at his balls … Read more
TELL ME SIR DO YOU LOVE AMERICA Yes I love America I MEAN LIKE REALLY LOVE IT. LIKE, CAN YOU FEEL IT IN YOUR TORSO LIKE AN UNCEASING STORM I feel it in my heart, I love America LET ME PUT IT ANOTHER WAY SIR. TELL ME HAVE YOU EVER / EVER REALLY REALLY LOVED … Read more
This is one of the Ricky Gervais horses I was talking about in the title. I have “photoshopped” Ricky into the picture for comparison. Notice the similarity of the mouths. If you can measure a man’s happiness and success by how wide fucking open his mouth is, Ricky Gervais is as happy and successful as … Read more
Yesterday was Mother’s Day. If you’re reading this in a country that has phased out mums in favour of a municipal satchel of eggs, then this might be an alien concept to you. It is a day when everyone offers evidence-free and uniformly positive feedback regarding their mums. WHY THIS IS WRONG 1. If she’s … Read more
Magazine lovers used to say that you couldn’t take the internet onto the toilet with you. It was the one negative aspect of the internet: that you couldn’t have it resting on your bare thighs, while you allowed a horrific brown version of a meal to slip through a temporarily loosened network of sphincters.Since technology, … Read more
Roger Helmer MEP looked out of the hotel window. “It’s raining,” he laughed. His finger was hooked through one of his belt loops. It was scratching at an area close enough to the outline of his toadstool bell-end to drag my gaze towards it. “That’s one in the eye for those global warming buffoons. Warm … Read more
The human orgasm is a member of the following groups: 1) The twelve mucky miracles 2) 239 ways to get rock hard abs and make her scream in bed 3) The seven senses When The Shamen sang that “Love, sex, and intelligence” were “coming on like a seventh sense”, the seventh sense they were referring … Read more
Lightning is the third most terrifying natural phenomenon. Immediately above it, and up two places from last week, the second most terrifying thing is a bald man dragging a finger across his neck and pointing at you. Riding high at number one for the ninth week running is when you find that your phone has … Read more
Hurray for IGN, who bravely let a genuinely gay member of staff write an article which questioned the sexuality of a cartoon dinosaur. It was received with considerable negativity, so I’m writing this out of a sense of massive gay solidarity. In the abscence of openly gay gaming characters, video game culture is playing catch-up … Read more
The Fast & The Furious An undercover cop infiltrates an underworld subculture of Los Angeles street racers looking to bust a hijacking ring, and soon begins to question his loyalties when his new street racing friends become the prime suspects. 2 Fast 2 Furious Former cop, Brian O’Conner is finally arrested after letting his leader … Read more