This office just took a downturn. Let me introduce you to yesterday, with Brenda. 9:10 We walked into the office together. When we reached our desks, she screeched in her vinegar whine over the tables. “So why were you late?” Only she didn’t use the inflection that might have implied that she was late too. … Read more
If you have a disability that requires you to ask people for help, do try to cultivate a sunny attitude.
Ten Shit Dreams I Have Had I was eating a bag of crisps. They were KP Skips, and they were well-seasoned and delicious. As the last crisp melted onto my tongue, I woke up. I went to a bar that sold numbers. I asked for two nines and a seven plus three. The barman rolled … Read more
The latest, and most appropriately formatted, instalment in the Professor Fate Quadrology. Watch! It’s a FLASH MOVIE!
Jimmy Carr, eh! Never looks at anything, does he? Jimmy! London’s on fire, over there! Look at London, all on fire! Is he looking? Of course not. Jimmy Carr hasn’t voluntarily looked at anything since infancy, when he realised that seeing things filled him with a burning sense of scorn. “God, everything’s so feeble,” he … Read more
GANDHI Mohandes : I’m learning a new language! [pause] Mohandes : I can say piss in Greek! [pause] Mohandes : οÏÏα! [pause] Mohandes : That’s piss, in Greek! WHEN HARRY MET SALLY Harry : Is it orgasm time yet? Sally : Not yet. Harry : Can I… Sally : Orgasm time! Harry : You’re… hurting… … Read more
My God… It’s Full Of Knives
OH, MY! IS THAT CAPTAIN SCAAAARLAT?
This is my fourth week in the University. I’ve been working with nurses and fake cervix dolls for so long now, that I’d forgotten some of my previous jobs. And those previous jobs, while I’ve enjoyed them with a slow frown and a dumb acceptance, have been occasionally shit. According to some friends, I’m capable … Read more
Print Them Out, Wipe Yourself Down