This is my attempt to be a homely, broadsheet columnist. Only I talk about balls and shit too much.
The videos you are about to watch will do one of two things. If you are a boy, your nuts will inflate to the size of a foam novelty hand. If you are a girl, you will fall to your haunches and make a grubby little puddle at your feet. Either way, once you’ve seen … Read more
Hi! I’m Judge Ito! Remember me? That’s right, I was the guy who whacked a fountain pen in some chick’s neck. Man, the weather sure was close that day – it was hotter than a goblin’s ass-crack. You know, this planet we share is a crazy place – for example, did you know that marmots … Read more
I worked, indirectly, for 3 Mobile Phones. Myself and Simon Swatman spent two years writing animation scripts and making video stuff for the early adopters of 3G. We produced hours of this stuff. And some of it was quite good. Obviously whole reams of it were shit designed to please early adopting idiots, but we … Read more
The reasons I left my one porn DVD on my desk a week ago is lost in the shrouds of time. Let’s not go into my absolute inability to cover my tracks and be secretive – the same inability that makes me; Lend my laptop with all my passwords in it to a jealous (and … Read more
Pride Festivals are all about one thing. They’re not about cultivating the satisfaction taken in your life’s achievements. They’re not about topless musclemen conspiring to feed you a poisonous blend of jealousy and arousal. They’re not even about sitting in a field between the noteless thud of three different music tents, drinking warm white wine … Read more
The proposition : Robots saying “smelly boy” are funny. The conclusion : Yes, they are.
Following on from the (notsafeforwork) video… more adventures with a cervix! Once upon a time, a young man worked as a temp in a University. He was really lovely, and everyone agreed that he was the most magnificent temp there had ever been. Sometimes people would come in just to look at him, either because … Read more
If you’re here, chances are you’ll have been to the Law of the Playground, and you’ll obviously have bought the book. You’ll have marvelled at the highly-polished and consistently hilarious entries, and gone “awoo” at the adorably frank tales of mental and genital mutilation. I’ve let my backlog of submissions grow again – this is … Read more
Resusci-Annie For The Downbelows